A Journey to Freedom

My hair has grown and fallen out many times since the time I was 13, at times leaving me completely bald. I felt a constant, underlying fear of the wind, tripping, babies that might pull hair, children that might play rough, or the one false move that would send my wig flying and leave me totally humiliated! For this reason I’ve always felt bound and constrained, unable to move naturally and freely. A few months prior to Divine Mother’s arrival, I started going everywhere without my wig because I didn’t want to spend my life totally consumed by fear. I noticed that in some places I felt pretty safe, while in others I felt very vulnerable and uncomfortable. The hardest thing for me to do was to go to the mall by myself. I really felt self-conscious and basically ran in, did my shopping and left as fast as I could. One of my biggest fears was that people might think I was a skinhead or a neo-Nazi and actually attack me because of the way I look. It was very difficult and stressful for me to continue like this, so I decided that I would wear the wig everywhere but the gym. Sometimes I asked myself if this was cowardice.

​The first day of the New Jersey intensives, when it was time to pick Divine Mother up at her hotel, I decided that I was definitely not going to wear my wig. I knew that with Divine Mother everything would be all right and felt that there was no better time to go for my freedom. I was relieved to finally see her again because all of this was building up inside of me, and I was glad to be with the one person who truly understands me. I shared about my hair and the fears that controlled my life. The three days in Divine Mother’s presence were pure heaven for me. Although I was just one of several people present at the New Jersey intensives, I felt that Divine Mother was totally one with me and was filling me up with God’s Love. When Sudhir and I took Divine Mother to the airport, I felt totally unselfconscious in spite of people staring at my head! I really didn’t care what anyone said or did because I was so totally focused on Divine Mother. I felt totally safe, happy and surrounded in God’s Light. As Divine Mother was leaving, she told me that I am beautiful and that I am not defined by my hair. I thank God for this beautiful message that changed my consciousness. When I look in the mirror I no longer see a horrible wreck. I see past the physical to the beautiful soul. I thank God for this experience because in addition to changing the way I view myself, I’ve noticed a difference in the way I view others. I feel more compassion for people that may be different because I know how difficult that can be, but at the same time I’m aware of their beautiful and precious souls. This brings me great joy! I’m infinitely grateful to Divine Mother for making the long trip to New Jersey where she literally resuscitated me with God’s pure Love. Her presence is so precious to me and fills me with hope, peace and love. I feel blessed to have been the recipient of God’s infinite Grace. Praise God!

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