Beyond Physical Pain
When I met Divine Mother in 1992, I was stuck in an unhappy, paranoid and suffering life. I was working for my father’s company, and dealing with his oppressive domination. I couldn’t even speak with my father due to my fear of him. He had such high expectations and I always felt that I could never measure up, and I was constantly trying to please him. He would yell at me all the time and I was often in tears. My life was just one crisis after another. My job was time consuming and stressful, my husband and I had problems and I was feeling guilty for not spending more time with Micah, my young son. I was being pulled in so many directions. I was very unhappy, and I blamed my father, my job and my husband for my misery. My heart was searching for an answer. A friend told me about Divine Mother and I wanted to meet her. When I finally got to meet her, I was told it was a great privilege.
I was so full of arrogance at that first meeting. Divine Mother told me to bow my head. I began telling her about all my problems with work and with other people whom I blamed for my problems. She told me not to speak disparagingly about anyone else, because I had never walked in their shoes. She told me she would show me how to meditate because she felt sorry for me. During that first session, she said to me so kindly, “You are in a lot of pain.”
During the two sessions I had with her, she gave me so much Love and guidance. She told me to leave my son alone. At the time he was attending Punahou School and I was putting so much pressure on him. I stopped pressuring him from that moment and he grew into a wonderful young man. The next time I saw her, she taught me again about meditation. She guided me right down to the smallest details of physical comfort and posture.
I began to attend meditation sessions. At the time, Divine Mother was offering everyone the opportunity for private sessions with her—all while she maintained her busy law practice. I remember Divine Mother telling me, “Don’t worry, I will never leave you.” I was comforted by her words, as I was still immersed in my chaotic life. I was working for my father, living in his home, dealing with my husband and son and facing the suffering of my brother who was dying of AIDS. In addition, I suffered from chronic back pain from scoliosis and two back surgeries years before.
Divine Mother had told me that I should move out of my father’s house, but I had been unable to do so because of my fear. I was desperately chasing after my father’s love and approval all my life, but Divine Mother told me that I could not extract from him what he did not have to give, and that I should stop looking to him for love and approval. Divine Mother shared that I must be able to love and approve of myself, and that my happiness should be self-generating from within. One day, in the middle of a hectic and chaotic day at work, I called Divine Mother from my office. She told me to get out of my “wormhole” and put my head on the ground. I did exactly as she said and put my head on the dirty floor of my office. From that moment on, things began to change. That very night we moved out of my father’s home into an apartment. I moved to the same building as my brother, who was dying, and I was able to be closer to him and help him during his final days.
At one point, I suffered another serious back injury at work. When I spoke with Divine Mother, she told me to be grateful, so I changed my mind-set and accepted the injury as being just what I needed for my spiritual evolvement. I didn’t know at the time that the pain and problems with my back would go on for so long...but it’s been many years and I still have back problems and I am still grateful.
I had to have more surgery. After my surgery, Divine Mother gave me several one-on-one sessions. My doctors were astounded at my recovery and how alert I was. I was never depressed and I suffered no ill-effects from the anesthesia as they expected. I just felt happy to be God’s child and so grateful that I had Divine Mother in my life.
Neither this surgery, nor the many surgeries I have had since corrected my back problem. I was very concerned about my job, but I was able to continue my work from my bed, with a telephone, fax machine and computer. This was truly amazing. Some time later, I was terminated in a very insensitive way by my cousin who had taken over the reins of my father’s company. He sent me a fax letting me know I was being let go. Again, Divine Mother came to my rescue. She told me not to worry and not to question God’s plan for me.
As it turned out, although the dismissal from my job was a rough and traumatic experience, it turned out to be the best thing. I got to stay home and be there for my son from his seventh grade year until he graduated from high school. This was truly a tremendous opportunity. During those years we developed a close, loving and trusting relationship that endures to this day. I never could have done this if I had been working, as the job was so demanding and took up so much of my time and energy.
Micah himself has been the recipient of so much Love and grace from Divine Mother. He was a painfully shy child. His teachers worried about him and felt he was too withdrawn. But once Divine Mother told me not to pressure him, he began to blossom and grow in so many ways. He is now a mature, happy and serene young man who has God in his heart. Micah went through some tough times when his father and I were going through rough spots in our relationship. But Divine Mother has freed Micah from his sense of responsibility for the happiness of his parents. His relationship with my husband, which had been very strained in the past, has grown and evolved into a strong and loving relationship. Even though Micah now attends college on the mainland thousands of miles away, I never worry about him, because I know he is in God’s good hands.
My husband Jerome has also received so much from Divine Mother. There was a point in time when we were close to divorce. I was troubled by things that Jerome had done, and I was always sermonizing to him. Divine Mother reminded me that I was not responsible for Jerome. When I “released” him to God, our relationship began to change. I no longer feel I have to change or “fix” him. I don’t worry about him or try to control what he does. I gave Jerome his freedom and since then he has changed so much. We are both free to love ourselves and each other and we are closer than ever before. This is all due to God’s grace and Divine Mother’s guidance.
Today I am still dealing with physical pain from my back condition. My spine has continued to deteriorate and the many surgeries have not helped. My doctors told me they felt so bad that nothing seems to help, but I do not feel any regret or despair. They are amazed at my attitude. I just feel joy because Divine Mother is in my heart. I am so blessed and fortunate. People see me in my wheelchair and they may think my world is so limited...but it is not! My heart and soul are full of joy and I am completely happy. Divine Mother has taught me selflessness. She had made my life so much bigger and grander. I am not in a "wormhole" anymore.
Recently, I had some feelings of worthlessness, but Divine Mother told me not to worry and she gave me a one-on-one. She erased my self-doubt and fear and put me back into my Godself. Divine Mother has changed my life so much. Just seeing her is joy. A glance from her is a blessing. I feel her Love and Light all the time.
I am now living in a peaceful, serene home on the Big Island, away from the chaos and problems of my family and its many businesses. I am surrounded by photographs of Divine Mother and I feel the perfection of all that has taken place in my life. If I can give anyone just a little bit of happiness or hope by sharing my story, it gives me great joy. Thank You, my beloved Divine Mother ... I love you so much!